You cannot stop the world from moving. You cannot halt the chaotic tasks and rhythms and routines. Those will keep on going, and they will continue to keep on going without any concern. when you try to stop your world because you can’t keep up with it, it won’t stop for you. It may disguise minutes into feeling like hours but only in the form of a mirage in a desert and there is no water. The night will come. The day will end. The next day will start. A year ago I didn’t want December 8th to end because when it ended it was in the past, it was gone and I couldn’t go back. On December 8th my dad was alive and then he was not. Even though December 8th strangled me and suffocated me and destroyed me, it was just a day. Because I could hold onto that one day because on that one day he was on this planet, for part of that day, and December 9th he would not be. But you cannot stop the world from moving. It may be teetering, crumbling and exploding but the sun will go down. The sun will come up and December will end, and snow will melt and flowers will start growing again, and air will get hot, and leaves will die and then the snow will come again in December. Because the world keeps moving. I’ve always been fascinated with the concept of other dimensions. Other realities that exist if one thing had happened instead of another. Sometimes I think I’m in the wrong one. It has been a year and I haven’t deleted his contact and I haven’t touched his books and when I don’t wear a coat when I know I should I expect him to lecture me. It has been a year and I have made bad decisions, and I have laughed, and I have eaten good meals and gone to the beach and gotten longer hair. It has been a year and I’ve written things I wanted him to read, and listened to music I wanted him to hear, and watched movies I wanted him to watch and , seen elections I wanted him to mock, and been shows I wanted him to see and posed for prom pictures I wanted him to take. I have had some of the best moments of my life since he’s been gone. And I don’t want that to stop. He wouldn’t have wanted the world to stop moving. I will go through many Decembers. I will graduate from college, and make more bad decisions, and get married and laugh, and eat good meals and go to the beach. I will write more and read more, and listen to more music and watch more movies. I will do all these things. I am going to do all of these things. But even as I do all these things there will always be questions I never asked, stories I never heard, aisles I will never be walked down, fights I never had, walks I never took. You cannot stop the world from moving but you can remember a time when it moved and he was in it. He went through many Decembers. He was in this moving world. And I don’t care how many Decembers go by, I will not let the world move fast enough to forget that.